Reasons to Forgive Yourself and Others

Letting go in order to move forward

What do you think of when you hear the word “forgiveness?” Do you think about an injury or harm you’ve experienced, and by granting forgiveness, you are able to absolve the person who hurt you? Do you think about a time when you’ve caused someone pain or suffering, and have reached out and asked them for absolution? In each of these scenarios, forgiveness is treated as an act that cancels out the harmful words and actions that were committed on the part of one person who “generously” and “willingly” pardons the other. Forgiveness is thus a grace that one possesses and offers to another despite what they have said or done. Both situations view the harm or injury as having caused actual damage, and forgiveness as an act of mercy. 

These views maintain the offense as real, as a concrete reality that we have in fact experienced. From this orientation forgiving is a demonstration of clemency to the other. We are, in effect, saying, “I know you did this to me. But, it is OK.” From a Course perspective, this view only serves to reinforce the error, harm, or injury that was made. 

The Course discusses forgiveness from a different lens. In fact, forgiveness is one of the Course’s central teachings. Chapter 17 of the text states,

To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten. Forgiveness is a selective remembering, based not on your selection. For the shadow figures you would make immortal are "enemies" of reality. Be willing to forgive the Son of God for what he did not do.

Forgiveness is the overlooking of all that stems from a lack of love. Forgiveness means that one recognizes that no matter the unloving thoughts, words, or actions that someone else might commit, these in no way alter the reality of who we are. The Course uses the term “Son of God” to describe our ultimate reality. We are not our bodies navigating through time and space. Our reality is our oneness with the eternal (i.e., God) as the Son of God; this reality is unending and has never changed.

Forgiveness is about letting go of the illusions that we experience (e.g., pain, suffering, fear). We let go of these not for others, but for ourselves. We recognize the illusory and transitory nature of the injury, offense, or pain we have experienced. We let go of what has happened in the past because the past is over and thus, we are able to dwell in the present moment. We hold onto the faith and conviction that nothing can change, affect, or diminish our oneness with God and our oneness with each other. When we forgive, we affirm the truth about who we are, the love that encompasses all, and the letting go of the unlovingness that has, in ultimate reality, not been done to us. Indeed, when we align our thinking in unity with each other and with God, we begin to experience heaven.        

Is it easy to forgive as the Course calls on us to do so? From the normative perspective of human experience, no, it certainly is not. Yet, the Course suggests that what it is emphasizing is not so much as difficult as it is a recalibration of the ways in which we think. The Course’s text and exercises are focused on getting us to change how we think, thought being the level of cause. What we do is the level of effect. We can only change the effects by first changing the cause. 

Photo by Kien Do on Unsplash

When we forgive, we are letting go of the illusions of this world. We are “selectively remembering” as noted in the previous quote. Now, some might argue that this view of forgiveness suggests a laissez faire approach to our relationships, a carte blanche to others where they can treat us however they want, or where we can treat others however we want. Yet, such an approach to our relationships does nothing to facilitate inner peace, harmony, and union. Love is not a doormat. It is only a lack of love that would suggest that one needs to remain in a situation where lovelessness is continuously enacted. Nowhere in the Course does it say that physical proximity, engagement, or interaction with specific individuals is necessary in order to love or to forgive others. 

 Forgiveness allows us to release ourselves from the false preconceptions we have about ourselves and others. Forgiveness liberates us from the illusion of sin and sin’s effects upon our relationships. Forgiveness attunes us to the deeper truth that lies beyond the veils of illusion: that we are as we have always and forever will be, at one with our Creator and with each other as One.

I can recall so many times in my life when I have experienced lovelessness. When words or actions were injurious, and I believed, even after many years, that these served to diminish my sense of self, or my self-worth. Turning to the Course’s teaching on forgiveness, meditating, and practicing the lessons in the workbook has helped me to realize that the negative thoughts, feelings and emotions that I was experiencing because of past events was serving as injurious to me only in the present. I realized I needed to let go of the past and focus on where I was in the present. I recognized that nothing but my own thoughts were disrupting my sense of inner peace and, as lesson 5 of the workbook notes, “There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.”

I forgave, not for others, but for myself. I forgave so that I could move on with my life and live in the present moment. I forgave because I did not want the past, and what I have experienced in the past, to prevent me from fully realizing and partaking in the possibilities and loveliness of what the present moment was offering me.   

As you reflect on this essay on forgiveness, what are your thoughts? How has forgiveness manifested itself in your life? How have you experienced the power of forgiving, or being forgiven? How has practicing the principles in A Course in Miracles informed your understanding of forgiveness? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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