Gentleness as a Way of Living

Learning to be gentle on yourself, and on others

The theme of gentleness surfaces repeatedly throughout A Course in Miracles. Over and over, the Course calls attention to how we bind ourselves, we hold ourselves back, and we sabotage our own best efforts when we judge ourselves (and others) as unworthy of love.

The Course suggests that our emphasis on judgement is a cornerstone in our unhappiness and discontent. Gentleness, and the ethic of being gentle on oneself and on others, serves as a happy reminder of the importance to keep our thoughts aligned with heaven while our feet are planted formerly on the earth.

What is gentleness? Gentleness is when we go easy on ourselves and others. Gentleness is when we choose to not be reactive to external situations or circumstances. Gentleness is cultivated when we realize that we can only be at the effect of our own thoughts.

Gentleness is an attitudinal disposition, a way of being in this world while remaining aware of the greater truths that lie beyond the veils of time and space, and beyond what our senses allow us to perceive.

In our society, gentleness is a sorely undervalued and underemphasized virtue. Typically, we think of the need to be gentle with infants, children, and the elderly. We believe that these individuals are those who merit, or need gentleness. Gentleness is positioned as a requisite quality in child rearing, in caring for the elderly or in attending to the sick or distraught.

But are the needs of children, of the elderly, or the infirm that different from the needs of every single one of us? Do any of us benefit from the experiences of harshness, judgement, or guilt that we inflict on ourselves or others? Has harshness and judgment served to better any of us? Do we grow spiritually, do we grow as human beings, or feel more aligned with the divine through judgment or guilt?

We choose to enact gentleness with children, the ill, and the elderly because we recognize their need for love, their need to be taken care of, and our own moral responsibility. But all of us, no matter our age or our state of health, are also in need of love; we all need to experience gentleness.

Turn on the television, open up a newspaper, surf the internet, or listen to a popular podcast. It is almost certain that you will be bombarded with images, examples, stories and accounts of the harshness of this world, the lack of gentleness from one human being to the other, and the lack of love that permeates our world, our countries, our states, our homes, our relationships, and our hearts.

Gentleness is calling to us. It is up to us to respond. We can choose to hold onto our grievances. We can choose to allow the mistakes we’ve made in the past to hold us back in the present. We can choose to remain fixated on what is wrong in a relationship or in our careers. We can choose to focus on the flaws we recognize in ourselves and in others.

Or we can choose to be gentle. We can choose to acknowledge that we never fully know what someone else has experienced, what they are feeling, or what they are thinking. We can choose to recognize that by virtue of being here, on this earth, we ourselves are going to make mistakes. We can choose to acknowledge and recognize errors (our own and those of others) and choose gentleness. By doing so, we are choosing to bask in the present moment. We are choosing to see ourselves and each other as God see us: with gentleness and with unconditional love.

I’ve emphasized in a prior post that such an attitudinal orientation does not suggest that any of use remain in situations or contexts that are harmful to oneself or to others. Love is not a door mat. Gentleness does not mean that we allow others to walk all over us, that we surrender to pain or harm of any sort, or that we need to accept abuse. Love does say “no”.

A parent who sees their young child reaching for a sharp object is quick to say, “No”. The “no” does not come from a place of harm. The “no” comes from a place of love.

It may be that we need to learn to say “no” more in our lives and in our world in order to more fully enact gentleness.

We need to say no to violence.

We need to say no to hate.

We need to say no to injustice.

We need to say no to allowing our differences to overcome our common humanity.

We need to say no to our own self-debilitating thoughts.

We need to say no to our greed and hunger to always be right.

We need to learn to say “no” to these ego illusions in order to say “yes” to love, to light, to goodness, and to peace. We thus begin to dwell in gentleness and in kindness. We begin to go light on ourselves and each other. We begin to affirm the truth of who we are as we deny the power of the illusions we experience.

A Course in Miracles is a psycho-spiritual mind training self-study program. It operates by drawing from a series of spiritual principles and applies these to various psychological constructs. The Course aims at promoting inner peace. This process, which the Course emphasizes that we all will achieve, involves examining the darkness and shadows of this world. It involves learning to deny (to say “no”) to our ego-selves. And, as we do so, we begin to concentrate on a higher power, our higher self, and pull forth gentleness into our thoughts, into what we say, and into what we do.

What are your thoughts or experiences on the power of gentleness? Please feel free to share in the comments below and share this post with your social media network!

Thanks everyone! Have a great week!